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Farquhar Farquharson is the Haggis Hunt’s Chief Ghillie. He is the man who will check the validity of your sightings and make sure your details are added to the draw for our great prizes.
Sadly we cannot identify him pictorially lest his impartiality be compromised in a “drams for prizes” scandal.
False claims will also be processed by Farquhar. He carefully sorts them into alphabetical, chronological and geographical order before flinging them onto the bottom of his infamous ferret cages - some of which may or may not be hidden in his nether garments. It is rumoured that he also stores people he dislikes in said cages. Of course, that rumour was mostly put about by the haggis hunt’s personnel manager, who seems to have gone missing.
Before each hunt Farquhar always says: “Know your enemy” (or it might be “Gie’s a dram or I’ll dae ye” – no-one’s ever had the courage to ask, we always just nod and smile). So in that spirit, here’s a quick guide to our ghillie.
Born Probably.
Sex We profoundly hope not.
Age Very very old – not that you look it Farquhar. No, no, you don’t look at day over 80. Yes, and very handsome. No, please put the cage down.
Lives In his bothie on the haggis moors surrounded by his tools and empty bottles of whisky – large amounts of which are necessary to mask his not inconsiderable scent.
Physique Muckle and hairy.
Distinguishing marks He has a small mole on his left shoulder. Oh and he’s a 6' 8" hairy bear of a man who rages semi-naked through the heather stinking of whisky and wielding a large club. How much more distinguishing do you want?
Hobbies Macramé (actually that’s a lie, it’s drinking whisky and hunting the haggis).
Friends Small, angry things with sharp teeth – apart from midges.
Enemies In common with every other living thing Farquhar hates midges – evil wee ***** that they are.
Favourite haunts Those haggis moors with easy access to distilleries.
Favourite whisky The liquid ones.
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